Nation’s landlords confused to learn that their investment portfolios are for ‘living in’

A new government housing report has left the UK’s buy-to-let community stunned this week, with suggestions that, in certain circumstances, some investment properties may be used as ‘homes’.

The report, with detailed recommendations of building more affordable housing and limiting rent increases, has been described by landlords as “honestly offensive” and “highly troubling,” with one landlord stating, “it’s the most frightening document I’ve read since my mortgage broker wrote to me about interest rate projections.”

Derek Williams, 57, who owns thirteen flats in Kent, along with a holiday cottage he has never visited, stated he was struggling with these implications.

“I’m no monster,” said Williams, wearing a fleece that suggested otherwise. “But if people are going to start living my investments, you know, cooking and sleeping and that, the wear and tear alone would be disastrous. Repaints every decade. Or more even!”

The National Association for Landlords put out a statement calling for calm, reminding members that tenants are a “necessary evil” and a reminder to the government to remember “which side their bread is buttered on, who owns the bread, and the knife, and who charges £200 a month extra for the kitchen.”

Housing charities welcomed the report, even though experts warn it is unlikely to result in real change, as the committee responsible for implementing recommendations is made up of four landlords, a property developer and a man describing himself as a “passive income specialist.”

The government promised to look into it when it’s finished looking into something else.

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