What did Jesus do on the Monday, ask those enjoying the bank holiday

Confused holidaymakers are today seeking clarification from the world’s Christian churches as to what exactly Jesus did on the Monday to warrant the current bank holiday.

“I get Good Friday, sort of,” said one worker enjoying a day off by drinking in a pub garden.

“Though I suppose it was named by Pontius Pilot?

“I don’t imagine Jesus thought there was anything good about it.

“But didn’t everyone go back to work on the Monday after seeing Jesus fly into the sky on Sunday?

“Or maybe they just knew it was going to be a bank holiday in the future?”

The long weekend has been welcomed by all religions and even the mass hordes of hypocritical Godless heathens.

As one explained, “Look, I’m a Cadbury’s shareholder and also enjoy extra long weekends, so I think Easter is great. I just wish I understood the reason for it better.”

The Reorganised Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints has criticised those people taking advantage of the long weekend without giving proper recognition to Jesus.

“The only reason they can go to Ikea today is because Jesus died for their sins,” explained Reverend Tobias.

“His suffering two-thousand years ago allows them to assemble flat-pack furniture today.

“If Jesus hadn’t made the ultimate sacrifice they wouldn’t be able to enjoy the Famous Five on BBC1.

“Actually, they should probably all go in to work if they don’t believe Jesus died for our sins and then magically went up to Heaven on Easter Sunday.”