White smoke rising from Tehran signals they’ve just chosen or just lost a new Supreme Leader

A new column of billowing smoke seen in Tehran is believed to signify the end of the selection process for the new Supreme Leader, or possibly just the end of the new Supreme Leader.

“The new Supreme Leader was doing just fine earlier today, probably still alive for the time being,” reassured an Iranian government spokesman.

“You want to know his name? Well, I wouldn’t get too attached to him just yet if I were you.”

The new Supreme Leader was carefully selected after numerous rounds of drawing straws, directed by the Assembly of Experts who have all since retreated to a safe distance.

Meanwhile Iranian President Pezeshkian has renewed his charm offensive towards the Gulf states, personally handwriting apology cards to be attached to missiles fired into Dubai.

“I hope that after this missile hits the airport, the people clearing up the wreckage will find this ‘sorry about your airport’ apology card with a cute kitten on it and remember that I am a really nice guy.

“What’s that, a new Supreme Leader? I have some ‘congrats on the new job’ cards here too, but maybe I’ll leave it a couple of days first, I don’t want to waste a stamp.”

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