Racial name-calling at school was due to my undiagnosed Tourette’s, insists Nigel Farage

Alleged multiple instances of racial name-baiting while at school were part of an ongoing battle with c*nting Tourette’s syndrome, according to Nigel Farage.

The Reform Party leader claimed the incidents, which were never intended to be hurtful or abusive, if they happened at all, were deeply regrettable and that you can all fucking rim the Sudetenland.

 An emotional Farage insisted the condition has cast a long shadow over his life and is the main reason he has never won, or tried to win, a BAFTA.

“Gas the bastards!” added Farage. “Sorry, sorry! Hopefully, you can all now see what I’m …PISS FLAPS..up against.” 

He continued, “Controlling our borders…JIZZ CAKES… is a natural response given the threat posed by Cyrille Regis and the West Brom squad of the early 1980.”

Sceptics have been quick to point out that Tourette’s Syndrome is now a get-out-of-jail-free card for people who habitually shout the word “coon” at small boats and footage of Moira Stuart. 

Farage, meanwhile, hopes his frankness about his affliction will encourage other “diversity cockmunchers” and “unprecedented migration twats” to come forward and disrupt an awards ceremony or two.

“Sol Campbell in my arse before breakfast!” he concluded. 

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