Labour to introduce windfall tax on anyone rich enough to still be setting off fireworks in the middle of sodding November

The government is set to announce a new windfall tax targeting the twats who have enough money to still be setting off fireworks in the middle of November.

With the number of dickheads setting off fireworks well into November gradually increasing each day, a new ‘twat’ tax has been approved today by the new chancellor Rachel Reeves aimed at people who have enough money to pay £50 to hear a loud bang when it isn’t even bonfire night. 

Commenting on the windfall tax earlier today, firework enthusiast and local prick Simon Williams raged, “This isn’t fair, we are being punished just because we are arseholes.

“Obviously we have money to burn, literally, because that is what we are doing every evening by paying loads of money to set off fireworks late at night when bonfire night is literally a week ago.

“But that shouldn’t mean we should pay extra tax to the government, just because we enjoy pissing our money away by watching a momentary flash of light and listening to a loud bang.

“We are already paying a fortune for the fireworks just so that we can annoy people with small kids and pets by setting them off at about 11pm on a week night, but to pay even more than the extortionate amount we already piss away for nothing just isn’t fair.”

Asked if he would perhaps stop letting off fireworks after the fifth of November, we were told, “No, of course not. Because I’m a dick.”

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