Reform declares terrorist incident after small Muslim boy shouts ‘Wanker’ at a Swan

Police are appealing for witnesses after the Reform party reported a terrorist incident which saw the horrific verbal abuse of an animal owned by the King.

A boy, aged 9, shouted an obscenity in the face of a swan and was immediately branded a terrorist by Reform members due to being Muslim and brown while displaying questionable behaviour in public.

“The Reform party has made our job a shitload easier,” admitted police officer Simon Williams.

“In the past, we’d usually have to do some actual investigating – look at a few facts, talk to a few witnesses. Thankfully, they have saved us all time by just declaring such incidents as muslim-related.

“Now we just have a big rubber stamp that says ‘TERRORISM’; it’s brilliant.

“We have a look at the mugshot, confirm he’s Asian-looking, get out the stamp, and then piss off for lunch.

“As for this boy and the swan that the Reform members drew our attention to, we’re definitely counting it as a terrorist incident.

“Partly because of what he looks like, but also because the Reform party seems absolutely convinced this is terrorism, and well, they’re never wrong about this sort of thing, are they?”

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