Tommy Robinson supporters struggling to understand arithmetic involved in government’s ‘one in one out’ scheme

Supporters of far-right rabble-rouser Tommy Robinson have reacted with confusion over the government’s ‘one in one out’ immigration policy after struggling to work out how the system will work in arithmetical terms.

“I don’t get it,” says Robinson acolyte Simon Williams. 

“I just want all them foreigners sent packin’ back where they came from, it’s as simple as that. It doesn’t need to be turned into a maths exam does it? I mean, if one of them gets sent back and then another is allowed in, how many is that getting into the country? It’s two, isn’t it? Or maybe four? I dunno.

“It’s typical of them elite London types to over-complicate it so the ordinary man in the street can’t follow what they’re up to. It’s a classic far-left trick to try and deny our legitimate concerns using fancy numbers. ‘One in one out’, who thought that one up, Alfred bloody Einstein?”

In the government’s defence, Human Rights lawyer Fenton Barnes has denied that the system is confusing.

“Its a perfectly simple mechanism for discouraging small boat crossings,” says Barnes. “But I do understand that some of Robinson’s followers might struggle with the numbers.

“After all it’s easy to dismiss these people as feckless, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing bigots who blame all of life’s problems on immigrants and are being manipulated as useful idiots to line the pockets of charlatans and grifters who wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire.

“That would be the easy characterisation, wouldn’t it? So, you know, let’s just do that.”

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