Disappointment as Downing Street mini-reshuffle sees Keir Starmer remain as Prime Minister

There is disappointment across the UK today after it was revealed Keir Starmer would remain as Prime Minister following a mini Downing Street reshuffle.

The Downing Street reshuffle saw Treasury minister Darren Jones appointed to a new ministerial role as Chief Secretary to the Prime Minister, though many were hoping for bigger changes at Number 10.

“Apparently I wasn’t allowed to replace myself as Prime Minister,” said a downbeat Keir Starmer, hoping for an easier job like business secretary or education secretary. 

“I think it’s a terrible decision from myself, to be perfectly honest with you. Everyone hates me at the moment. The racists are angry at me, the non-racists are angry at me. The best thing would’ve been for me to move myself to a different cabinet position. But alas, here I am, still your Prime Minister.

“It was a really difficult conversation. I had to call myself into my own office to tell myself the bad news. I didn’t take it well at first. I mean, what’s the point of being Prime Minister if I don’t have the power to reshuffle my position as Prime Minister? It’s ridiculous. 

“Anyway, I suppose I’ll just have to resign the old-fashioned way by losing the support of my party or getting caught having an affair on CCTV.

“How dull and boring.”

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