Man who continues to call women’s football ‘boring’ somehow missed Lionesses’ last-gasp equaliser, extra-time winner
by Andy Matthews 1 year ago 
A local man who insists that women’s football is “boring” has, quite miraculously, managed to miss every single thrilling moment of England’s jaw-dropping Euro 2025 semi-final victory over Italy.
Simon Williams, 47, from Doncaster, claimed the match was “a snoozefest” despite admitting he only watched the first seven minutes before switching over to a documentary about bin lorries in 1970s East Germany.
“I knew how it would go,” he muttered, while furiously refreshing a page of car crash compilations on YouTube.
“The women’s game just doesn’t have the same drama, skill or tension you get in proper football.”
At press time, England had just completed their third comeback of the tournament, with teenage striker Michelle Agyemang equalising in the 96th minute and Chloe Kelly thundering home the winner in the last minute of extra time while an entire nation lost the ability to breathe properly.
Simon remained unmoved.
“I don’t need to see it to know it’s boring,” he said, barely making eye contact with the BBC match report as his son showed him replays on an iPad while quietly Googling “legal age to disown father in the UK.”
Asked what he had watched recently, Williams listed: the darts, two episodes of Storage Wars, and “a cracking argument on TalkSport about why Declan Rice is overrated.”
Meanwhile, friend Gary, 52, from Rotherham, added, “It was just luck, mate. I mean, scoring in the 96th minute and again in extra time? That’s not skill — that’s suspicious. Probably scripted like that bloody Ted Lasso.”
Experts have confirmed that women’s football is now legally required to be shown with a defibrillator on standby and a post-match therapist to help viewers process the stress.
As for Williams, he remains confident the final will be “another dull affair” that he plans to entirely ignore, before loudly criticising it five minutes later on Facebook.
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