Laurence Fox’s annual burning of the Pride flag a handy reminder for Brits they can start mowing the lawn again
by Rich Smith 1 year ago 
Britons across the country have welcomed Laurence Fox’s yearly incineration of a Pride flag as a helpful signal that “No Mow May” has officially ended and it’s now socially acceptable to attack your overgrown lawn with a strimmer.
The right-wing reactionary and full-time ‘freedom-fighter’ cosplayer continued his proud tradition of torching a rainbow flag in his back garden yesterday, prompting thousands of Brits to say, “Oh god, is it June already? Better dig the mower out of the shed.”
“It’s like a weird, angry Groundhog Day,” said one homeowner from Bedfordshire.
“He emerges, sniffs the cultural air, and sets something rainbow-coloured on fire in his garden in some sort of performative ritual to entertain simpletons. That’s when you know it’s time to knock the grass back before it fully rewilds into a hedgehog sanctuary.”
While the burning holds no actual political weight and changes the mind of precisely no one, it has proven to be an unexpectedly effective seasonal marker – much like the first airing of the John Lewis Christmas ad, or the annual realisation that you’ve missed the window to file your tax return without crying.
“It’s good to have a system,” said Kent resident Simon Williams.
“March has daffodils, August has hosepipe bans, and the start of June has a disgruntled and dishevelled Fox lad shouting in the sunshine while he flambées polyester bunting. It’s quite reassuring, in a way.”
When asked what message he hoped his latest performance art had conveyed, Fox replied, “I’m striking a blow against woke ideology,” shortly before tripping over a rake and being booed by a magpie.
As for the general public, they seem content to ignore the outrage and just appreciate the convenience.
“Fair play,” said one woman sipping tea on her patio.
“It’s not much, but reminding my husband to service the lawnmower is the most useful public service he’s provided in years.”
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