$75 to watch Cardinals do EVERYTHING! Conclave streaming options now available

The streaming options for the upcoming Papal conclave have been revealed and will feature a $75 option to watch Cardinals 24 hours a day doing absolutely everything.

“For just $75 a day you’ll have full access to the cardinals of your choice,” explained camerlengo Cardinal Kevin Farrell.

“You’ll be able to watch them 24 hours a day as they carry out their holy duties both in public and in private. That’s right, you’ll be able to watch as the cardinal closes the door to his suite and carries out his private and intimate holy business.

“Nothing will be left to your imagination and you will be able to see EVERYTHING!”

Despite the expense, The Holy See expects to make over $7million from streaming the conclave with a variety of subscription options including a highlights package and a family-friendly, daytime only stream.

Catholics were looking forward to the first conclave of the streaming age.

“That $75 option looks interesting,” said Simon Williams, a papal fan from Billericay.

“I wonder though, when they say you’d see everything, does that really mean ‘everything’ because if it does, then that’s worth it. That beats the pictures of cardinals you see in magazines or those videos you can buy. This would be the real deal.”

The streaming service goes live later today and the Vatican has warned that anyone choosing to use pirated streams may well be subject to a lifetime of torment in the fiery pits of Hell.