Trump funeral remains America’s top sexual fantasy

A survey of Americans’ sexual behaviour has revealed that, for the ninth year running, the number one sexual fantasy of most people is the funeral of Donald Trump.

“I only have to think about a funeral parade for the president and I go from six to midnight,” said one respondent.

Another said that she would regularly make time for herself, light some candles and spend a pleasant hour slowly masturbating to Donald Trump’s coffin being lowered into the ground as a priest spoke about his life.

“It’s one of the more unusual developments of life under two presidencies of Donald Trump,” explained Simon Williams, an expert in sexual mores.

“Prior to 2016, most people’s sexual fantasies featured burly firemen or sexy film stars. Perhaps the occasional elf. However, since Donald Trump became president, it does seem like an awful lot of Americans enjoy pleasuring themselves to thoughts of his funeral.

“Frankly, even though I try to maintain only a strict professional interest in the area, the thought of a Trump funeral is enough to get me a little hot under the collar. In fact, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve just got to pop to the lavatory.”

Although all survey participants were anonymous, it is rumoured that one woman signed her survey details ‘Melania – No, say Sarah or something.’

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