New WH Smith owner asked at checkout if it wants to buy a discounted Chocolate Orange

The new owner of WH Smith has been asked if its sure it wouldn’t also like to buy a Terry’s Chocolate Orange at the discounted price for £1.50, before it completes its purchase of the ailing retailer. 

Modella Capital has also been asked to confirm whether, alongside its purchase of 480 WH Smith stores, it would like to avail itself of a copy of the Daily Telegraph at 50p off, which has inexplicably also been bundled in a checkout promotion with an absolutely huge free bottle of Volvic water. 

“We can confirm we don’t want to take up a 3 for 2 deal on overpriced patterned A4 folders, or to purchase any 2-metre gift wrap at the supposedly discounted rate of £7.99, before we complete our mercy takeover,” said Simon Williams, an exasperated Modella spokesperson.

“To be honest, you should just be bloody grateful we’ve decided to bail your sorry ass out,” continued Williams.

“Er…no, I do not want to take advantage of the two paperbook books for twenty quid offer. I’m fine thanks.

“Oh, but can I just query this receipt while I’m here,” continued Williams.

“It says £76 million total for the WH Smiths stores, which seems correct, but £6.99 for this small birthday card – are you taking the piss?”

This article was co-written by Kevin Connelly