European leaders threaten to hold more meetings until Putin withdraws from Ukraine

European leaders have issued a stark warning to Vladimir Putin that unless Russian troops withdraw from Ukraine they will be forced to respond with a series of emergency summits and conferences.

At a gathering of EU leaders, Commission President Ursula von der Leyen said Europe was ready to step up and hold more meetings until Ukrainian security was guaranteed. 

“As we have been saying since the Russian invasion in 2022, the time for talking isn’t over,” explained a defiant von der Leyen. 

“Given the shift in US foreign policy, now is the time for Europe to commit to more high-level emergency talks.

“Earlier today, I informed President Zelensky that any time he wants to hold a meeting he can use our conference room. The nice one. In addition, we have set aside 1.5 billion euros to support Ukraine with chocolate biscuits, egg and cress sandwiches, paper napkins and those little sausages that you put on a stick.”

Meanwhile, Prime Minster Sir Keir Starmer told the House of Commons that the UK will increase its budget for meetings to 2.5% of GDP and called on other European governments to do the same.

“We’ve known for several years that the withdrawal of US support was a possibility,” said Starmer. “And that the time would come for Europe to hold conferences and summits on our own, without America bringing those nice little pastry things they do.

“But the people of Ukraine can be assured that there is no limit to the number of meetings we will hold to express our support for their country.”

The Russian government has yet to respond as they have been too busy bombing the shit of Ukrainian cities.

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