67,411th black Londoner to be stopped and searched this year excited to hear about Two-Tier Kier

As rumours swirl of protesters being treated differently by both the police and the establishment based on their political affiliation and skin colour, the popular slogan ‘Two Tier-Kier’ has been adopted by protesters.

As a result of this clear anti-white bias exhibited by the police nationwide, black people in London expressed excitement to be able to walk distances of up to 500 meters without being stopped by a police officer and asked to justify their behaviour. 

One black youth, who was currently in the process of emptying his pockets after approaching a corner shop at a walking pace, expressed excitement about being able to plan future trips to the shop without factoring in an extra 10-15 minutes of official questioning from PCSO’s every few weeks.

However, middle-aged white man Simon Williams first saw Elon Musk’s tweet about #TwoTierKier and immediately adopted the slogan, suddenly realising all the times he’d been arrested for drunken violence was purely because he is white. Relieved at finally being vindicated by the increasingly erratic billionaire.

When quizzed about some of the inconsistencies in the theory, Williams added, “Look, it… Just rhymes ok. Empirical evidence is great, but it’s much harder to work into a chant, especially when it directly contradicts what we’re trying to achieve here.”

When pressed on what he was trying to achieve, Williams gestured vaguely to a leaflet distributed to several protest groups before the riots with the overview, “Loot Greggs >>> Throw bricks >>> Protect are country!”

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