Tutting world record ‘obliterated’ after man brings bicycle onto rush hour train

author avatar by 3 weeks ago

A record number of tuts were made after some oblivious moron tried to wedge a bicycle onto a packed train this morning.

Simon Williams rammed the bicycle into the shins of six passengers at once while boarding the 17:05 from Reading to London Paddington, causing an unprecedented 38,912 tuts from everyone around him.

“It’s a bicycle,” said tutter, Elizabeth King.

“Get off the fucking train and fucking cycle it to wherever you’re going.

“I wouldn’t mind this much, but he’s wearing one of those poncey performance helmets as well. I quite hope he gets wiped out by an Eddie Stobart.”

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Williams said, “My bicycle has as much right to be here as any other huge, unwieldy object crammed amongst a mass of humanity.

“I can’t just get off and cycle it after spending fifty quid on a return ticket. I’m not that into cycling really.”