Kemi Badenoch announces huge new pinky promise with Texas

Trade Secretary Kemi Badenoch is today hailing the huge new pinky promise she secured following months of negotiations with the US state of Texas.

In the absence of any actual trade deals, Badenoch is calling the pinky promise “a giant step forward in regaining Britain’s standing on the world stage”.

Announcing the pinky promise, Badenoch told reporters, “This is just more evidence that the UK is now at the forefront of pinky-promise diplomacy on the world stage.

“Sure, critics will point out that a pinky promise means literally nothing to anyone over the age of six, and that it certainly doesn’t hold any legal weight regarding international trade, but to those critics, I would say this – would I have spent weeks negotiating with Texas just for a photo opportunity in which we agree to a pinky promise?

“I suppose I might, yes. But I have subsequently learned that individual states can not sign trade deals, and yes, that would have been quite useful to know a few months ago before we did all of this work, but I maintain that this pinky promise is still further evidence that post-Brexit Britain is thriving in the global economy.

“Do you know how many pinky promises the EU has with other countries and states? None, that’s how many. We’ve only been free from their shackles for a couple of years, and already we’re light years ahead of them in the pinky promise stakes.

“And this is only the beginning. A trade deal with the US will happen soon, I’m extremely confident of that fact. Not least because we agreed to a special “no takey-backsies” on our pinky promise.