Man who successfully completed Veganuary spends day eating own body weight in meat

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A man who gave up eating meat for January has managed to eat an entire dead pig to himself.

Simon Williams, a desk lamp salesman from Wokingham, was one of an estimated 250,000 members of the British population who chose not to eat meat for an entire month, citing health and environmental reasons for the fast.

Close friend Christopher James told us, “Simon was proud of himself for having eaten a healthy plant-based diet for an entire month, especially as he moaned throughout about feeling constantly hungry.

“However, he has more energy, he has lost weight, his attention span has improved, and his skin and general appearance is noticeably healthier-looking.”

Then he added, “The organisers of Veganuary claim that six in ten who take the ‘Veganuary pledge’ stay vegan afterwards, but no, Simon’s not one of them, I’m afraid.

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“He started off by arranging for a pizza delivery on the stroke of midnight, and it was loaded with meatballs, pepperoni, chorizo and bacon.

“Then after a sleep, he popped down to Greggs for when they opened and tucked into a few bacon and cheese turnovers for brekkie. I think he had some pigs in blankets in the fridge ready to cook for lunch, along with a pork loin, which he followed with a gammon joint and sausages for dinner last night.”

When we approached Simon for comment, he grunted, then wiped his sweaty brow, cheeks, chin and neck before replying, “It feels so good to have some proper food in my body for once.

“All that plant crap is no good for you, it’s not natural.”

You gonna eat that? – get the T-shirt!