No sanction for BBC’s Carol Kirkwood over ‘cold as f**k’ weather forecast

The BBC has announced that there will be no punishment following popular weather presenter Carol Kirkwood’s use of the phrase ‘cold as f**k.’

She used the phrase during an outside broadcast on a hill in the North York Moors on Tuesday morning in response to a question from colleague Clive Myrie.

“And now to Carol for the weather,” said the avuncular bee-keeper.

“Carol, it looks a bit chilly where you are?”

“That’s right Clive,” she responded chirpily.

“It’s cold as f**k.”

“I’m sorry?” replied a visibly shocked Myrie.

“Cold. As. F**k.” She repeated, forcefully.

“B*stard cold. Sh*tting cold. Cold as an eskimo’s bum. Cold as a witch’s nips. Cold enough to worry any brass monkeys. It is abso-f**king-lutely f**king cold as f**king f**k.”

“I… see,” stammered Mr Myrie.

“Um, so is there any detail on the forecast for-“

“No. Cold as f**k. Probably some rain in Scotland and the North, I mean, I haven’t checked but it’s a fair assumption. Now, sod this, I’m going to get off this God-forsaken blasted heath and try and find somewhere in this hellish backwater with the ability to make a decent cup of hot coffee to bring some colour back into my fingers.”

She then dropped the mic and stalked off muttering about being a proper scientist, not a performing penguin.

The BBC has issued a statement saying there would be no sanction for Miss Kirkwood because “after an investigation, we have discovered that on the North York Moors on Tuesday morning, it was indeed cold as f**k.”