It’s Easter now, say supermarkets

Supermarkets have announced it is Easter this morning, ending the run of Christmas which began in October.

Stacking piles of chocolate eggs, bunny-rabbit themed displays and hot cross buns, retailers began the celebration of the death and resurrection of Christ our saviour twenty seconds after stopping celebrating His birth.

“Alleluia, prices have risen,” said supermarket floor manager Simon Williams as he completed his showpiece heap of cheap confectionary.

Adding a sign advertising a ‘heavenly trinity – three hot cross buns for the price of one!’, Simon congratulated himself on a successful launch of next spring’s campaign before the last tear has even ended.

”We can’t afford to hang about,” he told us. “We might get left behind and miss the bargain hunters like we did last year when Aldi started selling Halloween merch in May and put up the tinsel in September.”