Man who goes to work in a gold carriage relieved he didn’t have to chastise homeless people for their tents

author avatar by 4 weeks ago

King Charles is said to be relieved he didn’t have to announce the government’s plans to clamp down on homeless people using tents, after arriving to give his speech in a literal golden carriage.

A last-minute amendment to the speech saw the removal of Suella Braverman’s attempts to demonise the homeless, after she described living in a tent as a ‘lifestyle choice’.

“Thank Christ for that,” Charles told Camilla having been handed a revised draft in the carriage en route to Parliament to deliver his speech outlining the government’s agenda for the coming year.

“I genuinely thought I was going to have to caveat that bit, which would be a first, but I couldn’t very well announce plans to remove the tiny roof over the heads of the homeless after arriving in a gold-plated carriage, could I?

“I know I’m quite far removed from real life, but that’s just cruel, right? Before that bit I was going to say ‘this isn’t me by the way, I quite like homeless people, but I’m constitutionally obliged to say this next bit, sorry’.

“Thankfully my final copy of the speech had a big red pen through anything Suella wanted me to say, thus averting a constitutional crisis.

“I think Rishi should take a big red pen to more things Suella wants to say, definitely.”