King Charles is said to be relieved he didn’t have to announce the government’s plans to clamp down on homeless people using tents, after arriving to give his speech in a literal golden carriage.
A last-minute amendment to the speech saw the removal of Suella Braverman’s attempts to demonise the homeless, after she described living in a tent as a ‘lifestyle choice’.
“Thank Christ for that,” Charles told Camilla having been handed a revised draft in the carriage en route to Parliament to deliver his speech outlining the government’s agenda for the coming year.
“I genuinely thought I was going to have to caveat that bit, which would be a first, but I couldn’t very well announce plans to remove the tiny roof over the heads of the homeless after arriving in a gold-plated carriage, could I?
“I know I’m quite far removed from real life, but that’s just cruel, right? Before that bit I was going to say ‘this isn’t me by the way, I quite like homeless people, but I’m constitutionally obliged to say this next bit, sorry’.
“Thankfully my final copy of the speech had a big red pen through anything Suella wanted me to say, thus averting a constitutional crisis.
“I think Rishi should take a big red pen to more things Suella wants to say, definitely.”