US celebrates 30 minutes without a mass shooting

author avatar by 1 month ago

The USA is celebrating a major milestone after lasting 30 minutes without a mass shooting taking place.

There have been celebrations in the streets and politicians have been hailing this as potentially a turning point for the country and its troubled relationship with people shooting other people.

“I think it is a testament to this great country of ours that we are able to go for 30 minutes without a mass shooting claiming the lives of innocent folk, and I’d like to congratulate everyone for not shooting a number of people for 30 minutes,” said a clearly pleased President Biden.

The NRA has suggested that this achievement is due to widespread gun ownership throughout the country.

“It’s wonderful news that no one has shot each other for half an hour,” said NRA president Jeremy Limpdick.

“It sends a shiver down my spine to imagine what might have happened if people weren’t able to protect themselves with legally owned firearms as mandated in the constitution. Almost certainly, we’d have seen some sort of mass shooting talk place.

“This achievement is clearly proof that gun-ownership works for everyone.”

Sadly, after 42 minutes, there was another mass shooting, but the fact remains that the US lasted 30 entire minutes without a mass shooting, and that is to be celebrated.