Neighbours have bought properly loud fireworks this year

author avatar by 9 months ago

Your neighbours have bought the kind of fireworks that would wake the dead.

Simon Williams, 41, who you don’t really speak to a lot but nod to and say “alright” when you both put the bins out, has treated his family to a bumper pack of F**kBang 3000s.

“Bloody hell!” exclaimed Simon, letting one off just as you were falling asleep.

“These things are really f**king loud aren’t they? Some naysayers might even suggest they’re not suitable for use in a built-up area containing family homes designs for small children and pets, they’re that loud!

“I’m so glad I bought enough to last from now until several weeks after Guy Fawkes’ night. I’ll be the talk of the town!

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“My neighbours? Nah, they’ll be fine. There’s a thin wooden fence approximately five-feet high between our gardens, that’ll buffer out most of the noise I reckon.”

Simon’s wife sighed, “Yeah, sorry about this.

“I’ve tried to stop him, but honestly, saying the phrase ‘can we please not spend a grand on fireworks’ just makes me want to put my head in the oven.

“I don’t even like fireworks that much – or my husband, for that matter.”