Amazon is offering deep discounts on all kinds of shit nobody in their right mind buys at any other time of year for the Prime Big Deal Day event.
The sale, which is heavily promoted across the site and their adverts, is perfect for people who need a pair of headphones that will last three months, a chrome-plated shower-head, or a smart speaker that is actively designed to spy on you.
“We were looking around the warehouse and realised we’d got a huge pile of dusty children’s toys, slightly ill-fitting Chinese-made clothes and novelty toothbrushes which have sat there since 2011 and wondered how we could turn that into a positive,” said Simon Williams, Amazon’s Director of Customer Data Acquisition and Exploitation.
“Then we realised that those sofa shops you get on industrial sites had a great idea, and decided that it’s a wonderful move to dress up crap as just ‘being on sale’ like everyone wants one and that you might miss out.
“We’ve got literally tens of thousands of resistance bands we ordered in that twenty seconds at the start of lockdown when people bought fitness kit. Would you like one? They’re very cheap?!”
Customers who miss out on acquiring yet more tat they don’t need shouldn’t worry – Black Friday will be along soon enough.