by 
Conservative party deputy chairman Lee Anderson has this morning sent a lovely bunch of flowers and a thank you card to Diane Abbott for her selfless act in deflecting attention away from him in the ‘f**k off back to France’ row.
In a hastily-deleted tweet, Abbott referred to the 41 dead asylum seekers in the Mediterranean as having ‘f**ked off the bottom of the sea’, in a clear – but desperately ill-advised – attempt to further draw attention to Anderson’s abhorrent comments about asylum seekers in the UK.
“Yeah, that worked really well, didn’t it?” explained Anderson, pointing to the thousands of screenshots of her tweet, and the fact she was trending nationally all evening.
“Honestly, I am not a very bright man, and my mouth will always get me in trouble. You’re as surprised as I am that I’ve risen to this position so quickly. So it’s always nice when someone steps in to divert attention away from one of the desperately stupid things I have said.
“It’s really hard to spin the phrase ‘f**k off back to France’ as being anything other than clear anti-asylum seeker rhetoric designed to placate the far-right fringes of our supporter base – but now I don’t have to spin it.
“Diane is the story now. Which is a huge relief, because it had become such a big issue that even the Prime Minister was getting questions about me, and that’s never a good sign. The pressure was really starting to build. But that’s all over now, though – thank you, Diane!
“It’s just a shame she’s already suspended by the Labour party and isn’t part of Keir Starmer’s shadow cabinet – that would have been really useful. We’ll still pretend she’s a Labour MP and sits on the opposition front bench, obviously, because plenty of our moron followers will believe that.
“Anyway, I hope she enjoys the flowers, and next time I see her, I’ll buy her a can of mojito.”
