Feminism expert Derek Williams has insisted that wearing a top that reveals any part of your breast immediately disqualifies you as a feminist.
Williams said he knows all about feminism because he read an article in the newspaper while on the Tube last year, and he is quite certain that all real feminists dress like 1930s prohibition campaigners.
He told us, “Feminism is about a woman’s right to be treated equally socially, economically and politically – while never sharing any images of their own bodies, because then all bets are off.
“You obviously can’t talk about the exploitation of women, and then put a photo of yourself in a bikini on Instagram – that is madness and hypocrisy of the highest order.
“The fact that exploitation and acting with free will are opposite ends of the same spectrum is completely irrelevant; my point remains entirely valid.
“Everyone knows that real feminists act at all times in accordance with the dour prudery of a 17th-century Puritan.”
Williams has offered to sit with any feminists who would like to know more about where they are going wrong, but he’s busy this evening as he’s sorting out the Middle East crisis.