Tory strategist who suggested fighting next election “on our track record” laughed out of CCHQ

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A senior Tory strategist has been laughed out of Conservative Campaign Headquarters after suggesting that the government should fight the next general election on their track record, rather than fighting a manufactured culture war.

Simon Williams, 42, is now “looking for work”, according to his LinkedIn profile, after his ideas for the 2024 general election were flat-out rejected by party officials.

Williams explained, “All I said was ‘maybe we should focus on showing the electorate all of our successes, rather than manufacturing faux outrage at things that aren’t affecting the vast majority of the country?’. And then everyone started laughing.

“I think they thought I was doing a ‘bit’, because as the laughter grew, they all joined in saying things like ‘yes, let’s show everyone how we’re the only G7 country yet to recover from the pandemic!’ and ‘How about we show them how NHS waiting times have grown exponentially on our watch!’.

“The whole room was in hysterics, and I just stood there, saying ‘no, seriously. I mean it.’ That’s when they told me to get out and never come back.”

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A source inside CCHQ told us the episode was a bit embarrassing for Williams, but that he clearly wasn’t cut out for life as a Tory strategist.

They told us, “There are a million useful idiots in this country who will happily insist the Tories are the right party to stop the country falling apart, simply because everyone is too ‘woke’, but you show me one person willing to argue that the Tories are the right party to lead the country because of how successful the NHS has become in the last decade. You won’t find them. They don’t exist.

“Can you find me one-hundred-thousand willing supporters who will use their last breath to defend the party based on our economic record of terminal post-Brexit decline? Because I can find that many supporters with one picture of a bunch of swarthy-looking men in a dinghy – and the photo doesn’t even have to be taken in the Channel.

“There is no version of our track record that wins the next general election, so obviously we are going to fight it on the culture war. And if you think the people in charge these days are above making up stuff to enrage people if it means we can win, then you clearly didn’t pay attention in the referendum.”