British man inexplicably excited by American sports

The championship of a sport played by about twenty people seven thousand miles away has left a British man inexplicably enthused and excited ahead of the weekend.

The Superbowl – which qualifies as a world championship on the technicality that nobody else plays it, like that cheese-rolling world championship in Somerset – has left local man Richard Morgan ‘buzzing’ that a team dressed like eagles will face off against a dressed like arrows.

To investigate the phenomenon further, we asked Professor Simon-Bob Williams of the Kettering Institute of Peculiar Things Americans Do studies.

“American sports are like proper sports but less exciting or interesting,” he told us.

“They have a sport called ‘gridiron’, which basically involves wrapping rugby players in a mattress and making them run at each other about once every twenty minutes for four hours. Most of the time, they miss.

“And if you think cricket is dull, just you wait until you hear about baseball!” he added.

“The principal reason to watch American sports is to sit on your arse eating and drinking huge quantities of pretzels and watery beer without anyone staging an intervention. I think that’s the main attraction.”