Rishi Sunak, in what is being seen as a real demonstration of his authority and strength, has announced plans to change the biscuits served in Number 10 to a brand he likes.
“From now on, no ifs, no buts, Number 10 will always serve chocolate Hob-Nobs with tea,” announced the Prime Minister in a press conference that he rearranged three times so that it was convenient for everyone to attend.
“I’m the blooming Prime Minister, you know, and if I want to take action then I’m going to take it. Just like that. And if people don’t like it then they can just blooming well flip off!”
He then went on to say some other things but, by that point, people had started to talk amongst themselves and drift off, so there isn’t any record of what else happened.
The biscuit announcement comes in the wake of weeks of Sunak facing accusations of weakness and indecision over the fates of former minister and tax-dodger Nadhim Zahawi and Dominic Raab, who is understood to be a thoroughly appalling shit.
“People need to realise that Rishi isn’t a public school head boy who’s a bit out of his depth,” said Number 10 adviser Simon Williams.
“He’s a serious political heavyweight who isn’t afraid of making decisions.
“If he wants different biscuits, then he’s going to have different biscuits. He likes Hob Nobs, so that’s what he gets. Although if you’d prefer digestives or even a kit-kat, he’ll pop down to the shop and get you some. It’s fine. Not a bother.”
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