Newcastle’s Saudi owners clear Joelinton to play after his public flogging at St James’ park

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Newcastle United have announced that Brazilian midfielder Joelinton will be available for selection just as soon as he completes his public flogging at St James’ park.

Joelinton was this week charged with drink-driving, and manager Eddie Howe said he was unsure whether the midfielder would be available for selection, a dilemma put to bed quickly by the club’s Saudi government owners.

Club spokesperson Simon Jabal-Williams, told us, “Joelinton is available to play. Well, he will be in about thirty minutes. He’s on his way to the stadium as we speak.

“In Saudi Arabia, we are very clear on this type of behaviour, and public floggings are a regular occurrence for anyone caught drinking.

“Oh, I’m sorry, he was drink driving? I suppose that’s even worse. We can’t chop anything off as he’s an asset, so I guess we’ll have to add another twenty lashes?”

Fans of the club have expressed concern at the treatment of one of their star players, though Jabal–Williams was quick to put their minds at rest.

He went on, “Please do not concern yourselves. Joelinton was quite happy to come along after he heard about his flogging.

“Though given that English is his second language, we can’t rule out he thinks he’s being sold.

“We’ll find out soon enough!”