With the monarchy seemingly in a state of unstoppable collapse, it seems that the one thing that has caught everyone by surprise is exactly how annoying the whole process would be.
“When an institution as entrenched as the British monarchy collapses, one would expect a revolution, or at least an act of Parliament dramatically removing their power. Instead, we have this interminable spectacle of Harry knacking on about his love life,” said Simon Williams, an expert in history whose unhappy speciality is the modern monarchy.
“As a thought experiment, me and colleagues have discussed the different ways the monarchy may end, but none of those scenarios was as annoying as this.
“The most irritating situation we could imagine was Prince Edward ending up King and just, well, being Prince Edward. I mean, that would be annoying, but nothing like all this ‘baby brain’ stuff.”
Eleanor Gay, a normal person just trying to live her life without knowing about Harry’s frostbitten penis, agreed.
She explained, “Look, I don’t care about these people. If people like them, stay. If people don’t like them, go. But, really, do I have to be subjected to a squabble between two brothers played out over months of news reports? You didn’t get this when Oasis split up.
“I never asked for the image of a horsey woman spanking Harry’s arse, but it’s there now. In my head. Annoying.”
Dismayingly, it seems that the collapse of the monarchy, whilst inevitable, does not seem to be imminent, and with Harry yet to go into any detail yet about his sex life with Meghan in what seems like his daily TV interviews, it seems the whole circus will only get even more annoying.