An unimportant person, who isn’t Matt Hancock has won popular c**k-eating nonsense I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.
The show usually features a variety of people you’d have heard of if you watch Hollyoaks doing unpleasant things to insects.
This year, however, it was given over entirely to the rehabilitation of incompetent philanderer Matt Hancock.
The show, which surprisingly didn’t change its name to Matt Hancock and Some Other People in the Jungle concluded last night with the news that Matt Hancock came third and someone unimportant came first.
“I think everyone is quite surprised that Matt didn’t win given that he’s been in the news every two minutes,” explained I’m A Celebrity expert (which appears to be a real thing) Simon Williams.
“He went to the toilet, talked to another human being, got something unpleasant poured on his head, didn’t get something unpleasant poured on his head, whatever – it all made the news. And, of course, if he didn’t make the actual news, then there was always a columnist there happy to bang out 1000 words on what it means for Matt Hancock to be on the telly, in the jungle.”
The show has faced criticism that the news of Matt Hancock coming third was not followed by some sort of ‘coming third’ ceremony because what happens with Matt Hancock is clearly the important thing here, and instead time was wasted with some form of celebration of another person, who wasn’t Matt Hancock, winning the competition.