In protest at an unfair system rigged against ordinary, hard-working people like himself, Boris Johnson has superglued himself to the door at Ten Downing Street, it has emerged.
The protest is to draw attention to a system which only benefits people who aren’t Boris Johnson, and he has told reporters that he’s going to continue demonstrating until things are changed so he can stay.
“I’ll be like Swampy, living in a tree for months to make people aware of just how much the faceless, unelected bureaucrats of this country don’t take into account the wishes of ordinary middle-aged men who went to Eton like me,” Johnson told anyone who would listen.
“They ride roughshod over ordinary folks like yours truly to serve an agenda which makes them money instead of me.”
However, reports indicate that Boris and Carrie do intend to leave the Prime Minister’s home as several steamers for removing wallpaper were seen arriving at Downing Street this morning.