Apparent leader of the opposition Sir Keir Starmer is to make an attempt to raise his profile amongst voters with the release of a funk covers album and a short tour of mid-range venues around the country.
Sex Machine: Sir Keir Gets Funky will feature Sir Keir’s interpretations of James Brown’s Sex Machine, Curtis Mayfield’s Superfly, and a barnstorming version of Rose Royce’s classic Car Wash with the lyrics amusingly changed to ‘Keir Wash.’
“Sir Keir has had a life-long affinity with funk music,” said a spokesperson for the Labour leader.
“Living for the City, Papa was a Rolling Stone, and particularly the Zapp Band’s raunchy More Bounce to the Ounce, helped shape him as a man and as a politician.
“His interpretations of these classic songs will show the public that behind this strait-laced, serious and sober politician is a deeply funky man.”
Sir Keir is currently rehearsing for the tour which, it is rumoured, will concluded with an exclusive version of Super Freak that is interspersed with the chorus of The Red Flag. As this song won’t be available on the album, it is expected to become a highly sought-after bootleg.
Labour insiders are confident that the album and tour will give Sir Keir’s profile a considerable boost and could lead to as many as 3% of the country being able to pick the man out of a line up.