Friday 13 May 2022 by Neil Tollfree

Tories set ambitious target to level up two or even three people by 2030


Michael Gove levelling up

The Government has set an ambitious levelling-up target that could see as many as two or possibly even three people fully levelled up by 2030.

Michael Gove set out the target whilst coked off his head on Breakfast television yesterday.

“We’re going to bloody level-up the hell out of this country,” he said, rather quickly.

“We’ve got plans. Big plans. Levelling up plans. They’re going to blow you away, they really here. We think we can level up two people by 2030, but I think that’s a safe estimate. I think that, actually, it’ll be closer to three people.

“Three people! Levelled up! You wouldn’t get that under Tony Blair, I’ll tell you that for nothing.”

Mr Gove explained that the first person to be levelled up has already been identified.

“Fellow in Chelmsford. Name of Simon Williams. We are going to level him up like he’s never been levelled up before. Like no one has ever been levelled up. Then we’re looking at a woman in Chorley, and possibly someone Welsh.”

Mr Williams was cautiously pleased by the news.

“Yeah, whatever. As long as I don’t have to do anything, I’ve got a big project on at work at the moment.”

It is understood that Mr Williams and the others will be levelled up by allowing them to vote on whether or not someone can build a new house at the end of their road.

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