Thursday 27 January 2022 by Chris Ballard

Grand Old Duke of York has 12 Angry Men


Prince Andrew trial by jury

By demanding a trial by jury, Prince Andrew is going to get 12 Angry Men.

In a baffling attempt to get away with his awful crimes, Prince Andrew has demanded a trial by jury.

“I suppose it’ll be a bit like the film ‘12 Angry Men’,” said Royal Commentator Simon Williams.

“In that film, 11 of the jurors have written off the defendant as guilty, only to slowly have their minds changed by the 12th man.

“So the main difference, in this case, is that all 12 will unanimously and instantly find Andrew guilty.

“Not as good for any future film adaptations, admittedly, but much better for ensuring nonces are forced to pay for their crimes, even if they don’t end up in prison where they belong.

“I mean, what on earth is he thinking? That his likability factor will get him off?

“That a dozen ordinary members of the American public would never dare to convict a paedo just because his mum lives in one of those cool castle things?

“That this would force an out of court settlement because a high-profile trial which gives voice to his victim isn’t what she wants?

“He’s better off having one of those witch trials – you know, if he drowns he’s innocent, if he floats he gets burned at the stake.”

Members of the British public are now hoping that Boris Johnson will demand a trial by jury to put an end to all this party business.

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