Friday 15 October 2021 by Chris Ballard

Couple who can afford gardener think fallen leaves are ‘really pretty’


man raking leaves

Some people who don’t have to spend their weekends raking up piles of soggy leaves love the beautiful golden brown sprinkling on their autumn lawn.

Is autumn your favourite season? Yes? Then lucky you – you’re obviously successful enough to be able to afford a gardener.

“Ah, the exquisite colours of the fall!” said Simon Williams, a relatively wealthy Brit who like to adopt American vernacular because he’s a bit of a tit.

“My wife and I absolutely love this time of year. There’s nothing quite like frolicking in the leaves and then going inside to grab a hot chocolate while someone else clears up all the mess.

“Once a week, our gardener – whatsisname – rakes them up into neat little piles, presumably so we can then enjoy grabbing big handfuls and throwing them at each other in an incredibly cute and romantic way.

“And you’d think all those leaves would clog up our guttering – but that never seems to happen. I guess the little elves must take care of it!

“If I ever thought about others I’d probably feel really sorry for the ones who have to spend hours every Saturday wobbling about on the top of ladders grabbing handfuls of sludge.”

Simon’s gardener said, “No, I don’t find this couple irritating at all – it’s just a job and one day they might even get around to paying me.

“If Simon happens to step on more rakes than Sideshow Bob when walking to his car tomorrow morning then that would just be a horrible accident and nothing to do with me.”

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