Government to seek advice from Ian Brown before lockdown decision

author avatar by 2 years ago

Prime Minister Boris fucking Johnson is reportedly considering an extension to current lockdown restrictions, but is waiting for advice from Ian Brown before making a final decision.

Brown has been vocal throughout the last year on the need to ignore science, and to trust his theory that it’s all fake.

“I’ve taken advice from Professor Chris Whitty who has degrees from a variety of universities, personal experience in researching diseases in Africa and Asia, and is the country’s leading expert on infectious diseases,” explained Johnson.

“But Ian Brown made Fools Gold, which blended dance music and rock in a really innovative way. So, I think it’s crucial that we hear what he has to say.”

Ian Brown is understood to be meeting with Johnson this afternoon. It is thought that scientists and epidemiologists are united in the need for a possible extension to lockdown restrictions, but the Prime Minister wants to hear from someone who doesn’t want a lockdown because they ‘like going out and stuff.’

“As I understand it, Mr Brown was in the Stone Roses? So, yes. Naturally, we should all listen to what he has to say.”

If there is still no consensus on a lockdown, Mr Johnson will seek advice from that bloke in the pub who believes that Covid was introduced into society to weaken the population in preparation for an invasion from the lizard men of Lunatra-9.