Tuesday 6 April 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Woke Brigade expands to Woke Division, commanded by Woke Major-General


woke brigade

The Woke Brigade has announced that it has expanded to a Woke Division and has in place a new Woke Major-General.

The new Woke Division will continue the work of the Woke Brigade, such as complaining about Fawlty Towers and making sure that you can’t say anything these days.

Despite the expansion, it will remain an entirely fictional concept in the heads of deranged gammons across the land.

“There is, quite frankly, too much for just a Woke Brigade to do,” explained Woke Major-General Simon Williams.

The list of duties of the Woke Brigade that exists in the head of the average deranged gammon includes:

  • Poking their noses into everything
  • Banning Christmas
  • Talking down Britain
  • Promoting Sharia Law
  • Making children homosexual
  • Stopping you from even smiling at a woman these days or it’s ‘sexual harassment’ when all you’re really doing is just being friendly.

“It appears that we’re also responsible for something called ‘cancel culture’,” continued Major-General Williams.

“Heaven knows what that’s meant to mean. I suspect that not even the deranged gammons know what they mean by that, but as it seems like it’s something we’re responsible for, that’s just more work for us to do.”

It is expected that the Woke Division will have to expand to be a Woke Army before the end of the year in order to manage the vast array of things that deranged gammons believe it to be responsible for because they are incapable of just being nice, normal, pleasant people and getting on with life.

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