Texas removes all restrictions on letting leopards roam free in stores

Texas has become the first state in America to remove restrictions on letting leopards roam free in all stores.

Previously, Texas had complied with nationwide guidelines recommending leopards do not roam free in stores. These were brought in over a century ago in an attempt to prevent Americans from being mauled to death by leopards while shopping.

“The time has come that we stop impinging on the freedom of decent, honest Texans,” said Greg Abbot, Texas Governor and psychopath.

“It is not up to the Government to mandate whether or not leopards should roam free in stores owned by god-fearing folk.

“Texans are not stupid people. They can make their own decisions about their own welfare. Now, I’m not saying that there is no danger in having leopards roam free in stores. But I trust that Texans will do the right thing for themselves, their families, and their businesses.”

Simon Williams is an idiot from Lumberton, Texas, who supports lifting the restrictions.

“Goddamn right people should be able to have leopards in their stores if they want to. Ain’t no Government can tell us whether or not we have leopards in our stores.

“Bunch of nonsense talked about leopards, saying that they’re dangerous and such. They ain’t dangerous. Leopards are nothing more than kitties. Seeing a leopard in a store ain’t going to bother me none.”

It is thought that following lifting the restrictions on leopards roaming free in stores, Texas will soon lift the restrictions on homemade nuclear generators, drinking paint, and running with scissors.