Tuesday 10 November 2020 by Pete Redfern

Chris Grayling begins hunt for 40 million bats to vaccinate


Chris Grayling vaccine distribution

Chris Grayling has once again taken pro-active steps to do his bit in the fight against Coronavirus.

After the announcement yesterday that a vaccine has been developed by pharmaceutical companies Pfizer and BioNTech with a 90% effective rate, the former Transport secretary wasted no time in hopping on a bus to collect some bats to vaccinate.

“A lot of people think we should give the vaccine to, you know, humans,” he told the passenger next to him, who was desperately trying to pretend he was asleep.

“But I think we should give it to the bats, because, well, they started it, didn’t they? That’s why I’m heading to the epicentre of the Coronavirus outbreak – Chinatown.”

He explained, “If we vaccinate all the bats, then perhaps this kind of thing will never happen again. It’s this kind of smart thinking that is the reason I was nearly appointed to the Intelligence and Security Committee that one time.”

Alighting the bus near Leicester Square, he then proceeded to wander around Chinatown looking for bats for a full two hours before slowing to a stop and asking a passer-by, “Excuse me, I’m having trouble finding some bats so I am moving to smart idea number two – have you seen any pangolins around here?”

The Conservative MP was then seen several hours later triumphantly carrying a 12-pack of Corona lager.

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