90% effective vaccine to make up for 10% effective government

author avatar by 4 years ago

The UK will have a totally effective response to the coronavirus if a potent vaccine is combined with a largely impotent government.

News that a vaccine has been developed which prevents 90% people getting Covid-19 has been welcomed in the UK where the government has been operating at around 10% effectiveness for some time.

“This is very exciting news!” said virologist Simon Williams.

“Since March, the UK’s coronavirus response has been operating at an efficacy rate of approximately 10%. A late lockdown, an inability to procure adequate PPE, utterly confusing guidelines… the list goes on.

“The bottom line is that Boris and his government have been 90% utterly bloody useless, leading to a death toll far in excess of where it should really be.

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“However, a really effective vaccine could essentially offset all this incompetence by removing the need for a coherent response to the pandemic.

“It will also have the bonus of ensuring the Prime Minister can no longer hide from his responsibilities – we’re going to need all available fridges to store the vaccine at a suitably low temperature.

“All the government has to do now is not completely fuck up the purchase and distribution of the vaccine.

“Oh right. Shit…”

Some Tories have warned that the government will not be too hasty in rolling out a vaccination programme.

“It’s vital that the Prime Minister doesn’t cave in to pressure from so-called scientists to vaccinate the population and save lives,” said Iain Duncan Smith.

“Well, not until our biggest donors have found a way to monetise it.”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt here!