Monday 26 October 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Tory suggests poor families make their own Confit de Canard rather than visit expensive French bistros


Rich Old Tory

A leading Tory has suggested that it would be quite simple for families to make their own Confit de Canard at home, rather than frittering away money on visits to expensive French bistros.

109-year-old Colonel Simon de Pfieffel Shitbag Williams, MP for Upper Wankleton in Surrey, appeared on the Andrew Marr show on Sunday where he berated the attitude of families in so-called poverty.

“Of course, they say they are poor, but really, they just want handouts,” he fumed.

“You see them all the time in French restaurants, eating Confit de Canard and Chicken Sauternes, drinking Chateauneuf du Pape and over-tipping the waiters.

“Perhaps if they stayed at home and made their own Confit de Canard, then they wouldn’t need any more of the tax-payers money.

“It’s quite simple. According to our chef, you marinade the duck, bake it in a large casserole dish – she recommends La Creuset, it’s expensive but a good investment – then cover the duck legs in honey and pan-roast them for a few minutes to caramelise.

“Accompany with some lentils flavoured with bouquet garni, garlic and shallots.

He also recommended serving a cheaper Australian Pinot Noir than a traditional burgundy.

“It doesn’t have the depth of flavour of the great French wines. But if you were genuinely in poverty, you wouldn’t mind the sacrifice.”

He admitted sadly that many wouldn’t take his advice.

“No, it’s not a lot of effort really, but these sort people would rather waste all their time watching Internet pornography on their Xboxes while injecting marijuana than cook a decent meal.

“God help us if there’s a war.”

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