Friday 23 October 2020

Proud Brexiter updates his ‘British Independence Day’ tattoo with yet another leaving date


Brexit tattoo

Proud Brexit supporter and patriot Derek Williams has this morning updated his UK Independence Day tattoo, after hearing that a ‘proper Brexit’ might finally be happening – this time to the start of January.

A defiant Williams said he was happy to sit in the tattooists chair for the sixth time in less than a two years in the hope this iteration of his design will be the final one.

“You pathetic snowflakes need to get over it and realise we won!” he told us while having his tattoo wrapped.

“We’re leaving the EU properly at the end of the year – for real this time – and that will be the end of it. You loser remainers just need to deal with it. The final victory is now commemorated on my chest forever.

“And also, this really needs to be it for Brexit extensions and delays, mainly because what started out as a chest tattoo is now getting dangerously close to my belly button.

“Any more delays and I might need to shave my pubes before they can update it!”

Tattooist Matthew Logan told us, “He’s a good customer, pays on time and is always pretty straightforward with what he wants – which is normally ‘put a line through the last date and write in the new one’.

“The first time he walked in I suggested such a tattoo might work better at the top of his arm, or on his calf, but no, he wanted it to be full-chest.  So be it.”

As they were finishing covering his latest tattoo with vaseline and a bandage wrap, the news on the radio mentioned that the EU was willing to come back to the table to avoid a no-deal exit on 31st December, to which Williams replied, “Oh for fu…”

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