‘No shortage of mud here’ – Minister for mud reassures public that mud will not run out

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The new Minister for mud has sought to allay fears that Britain could soon face a shortage of mud by announcing that mud stocks are plentiful and that the country will always be able to produce more mud as needed.

“There is no shortage of mud here,” said a cheery Lord Simon Williams, as he held a press conference whilst stood in front an enormous pile of mud.

“Ignore the doomsters and the naysayers who say that Britain could run out of mud. This great nation will always be able to provide mud to everyone who needs it.”

Some commenters had expressed concern that a combination of Brexit and Coronavirus could lead to breaks in the vital mud supply chain that would mean families not having enough mud and being forced to use mashed potato or porridge as a replacement.

“Nonsense! When it comes to mud, Britain leads the world. Even if our supply of continental mud is interrupted, we have more than enough soil and water to manufacture our own mud.

“We have never been, nor shall we ever be, reliant on any other country for our mud and, in fact, our mud is the envy of the world. I visit many global mud symposiums and conferences throughout the year and delegates from other countries are forever complimenting Great Britain on the quality of its mud.

“British mud rules the world!”

The press conference marks the beginning of a Government initiative to promote the use of mud that will see mud adverts on television and in newspapers, a mud saving scheme and even a festival of mud to take place later in the year.