Wednesday 1 July 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Adam Sandler not f**ked off yet


Adam Sandler not f**ked off yet

Despite repeated requests from viewers, Adam Sandler has not f**ked off yet.

“What is it, about two or three times a year? Something like that,” explains exasperated viewer Simon Williams.

“I stick on Netflix to see what’s on and there’s a new Adam Sandler film there, so I go, completely involuntary like, I go ‘oh f**k off Sandler’.

“He still hasn’t, though, you know, effed off.”

Mr Williams has since found out that he’s not alone.

“We were at this family wedding and I was saying to my brother-in-law, Ted, that I always go ‘f**k off Adam Sandler’ when a new film of his comes on Netflix and Ted said that he did too.”

Curious, Mr Williams started asking around.

“Shahid and Leanne at the office, Mr Hussain in the newsagent, the bloke who cleans our windows and Jerry who lives two doors down, they all said the same thing.

“They notice a new Adam Sandler film on Netflix, they all go ‘oh f**k off Sandler’.

Research has shown that, across the globe, there are approximately thirty-five million people who regularly access Netflix and go ‘oh f**k off Sandler’ when they see he’s got a new film out.

That’s roughly 0.5% of the world’s population, making it one of the biggest grass-roots movements of all time.

Despite this, Mr Sandler has yet to f**k off. But that only makes people like Simon Williams even more determined.

“I’m not giving up,” he said, resolutely.

“I’ll keep going ‘f**k off Sandler’ whenever I see he has a new Netflix film out, and maybe one day he will.”

We can only hope.

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