Tuesday 16 June 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Calls to defunk the police dismissed by the NYPD Ass-shakin’ division


calls to defunk the police

The NYPD Ass-shakin’ division has dismissed calls from protesters to defunk the police, saying that police departments across America have a responsibility for funk in the community following years of Public Funk Service budgets cuts.

“The NYPD Ass-shakin’ Division is the last bastion of publicly funded funk in the community,” said Detective ‘Slammin’ Simon Williams.

“Defunking the police could result in an America that has literally no publicly funded funk for its citizens.

“That’s a pretty grim thought in places like here and Detroit, but we’d probably survive. What about Pennsylvania or Iowa? They’re teetering on a knife-edge as it stands. If you were to defunk the police, those people would have no access to funk whatsoever.”

Activist Eleanor Gay disagreed.

“The problem is that we expect our police to be experts in too many areas. If you defunk the police, then you leave them to focus on the core aspects of their job – preventing and solving crimes.

“We should not expect our police to be responsible for funk, that should be the preserve of George Clinton, Parliament, and Earth, Wind & Fire.”

Whilst he was against moves to defunk the police, when it came to defunding the police, Slammin’ Simon Williams was supportive.

“Defund the police in order to divert money to other public services? Of course, that’s just sensible,” he said.

“But defunking the police? Not on my watch.”

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