Thursday 11 June 2020 by Chris Ballard

Yoda and Obi-Wan form support bubble to combat loneliness


obi wan and yoda to create their own bubble

Two exiled Jedi Knights are taking advantage of new government rules and will be spending the night at each other’s remote planets.

Now that people living alone are allowed to join up with one other household to form a support bubble, Jedi Masters Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi are breaking cover to get a bit of company.

“The first decade alone was fine,” said Kenobi.

“To be honest, I didn’t miss that annoying green prick at all. With some time to reflect I realised that he was a bit ‘judgy’.

“But desert life is now starting to get to me and a little philosophical debate with Yoda might help break the monotony. I’m just so bored. Our code states that ‘a Jedi must now know love’ – not gonna lie, I’ve assumed that doesn’t apply to self-love.

“And I don’t get on well with the locals. The Sandpeople just grunt at you and are terrible for stockpiling all the loo roll – they ride to the supermarket in single file in order to hide their numbers but I know it’s them. Bastards!”

Can’t the two Jedi simply commune through the Force?

“Well, we can do voices but it’s not the same as seeing someone is it?” explained Kenobi.

“And Dagobah is so far from Tatooine that the lag makes conversations really hard. It’s particularly difficult with Yoda to know when he’s finished a sentence.

“It would actually be easier if we were dead – then we could then just pop up as Force ghosts wherever we bloody well liked and have a nice Force pint or two while putting the galaxy to rights.

“I’d be tempted to try that Force projection thing that Luke does in The Last Jedi but I’m an Original Trilogy character and that power hasn’t yet been incorporated into Star Wars canon.

“But yeah, it’ll be nice to have some company. I invited Yoda to come to me but he just said ‘tasty slugs in the desert, there are not.’ So I guess it’s off to that shitty swamp I go.

“Yay.”

Yoda said, “If Obi-Wan likes not my home then fuck off he can.”

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