Saturday 29 February 2020

Boris Johnson expecting second, third, fourth, fifth or maybe even sixth child


Boris Johnson expecting baby with Carrie Simmonds

Downing Street has announced that Boris Johnson is expecting a baby with his girlfriend Carrie Symonds, leaving it up to your imagination how many brothers and sisters the child will have.

A spokesperson for the couple said the prime minister and Ms Symonds were “very pleased” to make the announcement, but remained tight-lipped about how many older siblings it will have.

A Downing Street insider told us, “Boris and Carrie are absolutely delighted, though if we’re being honest, Boris is a little unhappy about being in such a high-profile job that this isn’t something he can pretend isn’t happening.

“So obviously he’s going to have to marry Carrie; he doesn’t have a great deal of choice in the matter, that given the Conservatives position themselves as the party of family values.

“Yes, I recognise that’s a little ironic given we have no idea how many children Boris has, but is that really all that important?

“You’re going to know about this one, and that’s what really matters.”

Meanwhile, members of the party have been quick to offer their congratulations to Boris and Carrie.

Jacob Rees-Mogg said, “I wish them all the best, and I know a good nanny if they’re interested. At fifty-years-old, I’m almost finished with her.”

However, political experts have said that the new arrival will merely spread the prime minister even thinner on an already packed Father’s Day.

“It’s another child to spend a sliver of time with, though given the fact this one is public, I guess this will be the important one.”

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