Thursday 23 January 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Middle-class man pleased with working-class demeanour affected during conversation with barber


Man getting haircut

A well-to-do man declared himself very pleased with the way he affected a working-class accent and demeanour during an extended conversation with a barber.

Simon Williams, a Finance executive from East Sussex dropped both ‘t’s and ‘g’s and used considerably more profanity than usual during a half an hour conversation whilst having his hair cut.

“I think it went really rather well,” said Mr Williams.

“I referred to a pub as ‘the boozer,’ I called a referee from a recent football match a ‘f**king blind tw*t,’ and made several casually xenophobic remarks about Europe.

“All in all, I suspect he would have thought that we were on a similar level, class-wise.”

Mr Williams had been preparing for the conversation for quite some time.

“Well, one doesn’t like to just sit there in silence, and I’m sure that someone like a barber would have no interest in what’s on at the theatre or the new wines I picked up for the cellar, so I watched a few episodes of Eastenders and practised a bit in the mirror.”

“He did alright, actually,” said Paul Christopher, the barber in question.

“Convincing, you know? The only thing I would say is that using the word ‘splendid’ is always going to be a bit of a giveaway, no matter how much he says ‘motor’ instead of ‘car’.”

However, Mr Williams revealed that he intends to try out some new techniques during his next haircut.

“Yes, I’m going to call him ‘mate’ frequently. That should be splendid.”

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